Before I forget what happened over the holiday break...

NUMBER ONE: I went home to Houston! Even got to Austin for a weekend. :) It was very nice to be home and see everyone (and stuff my face).

Pretty architecture in Antigua

NUMBER TWO: I went to Guatemala! We took an incredibly comfortable bus (Pullmantur) from San Sal to Guate City, then taxied to Antigua for $35. Antigua is really nice! It's really chill and touristy. We ate at Bagel Barn and Frida's (wow the mole was so good) and saw all sorts of neat churches and a museum of colonial art. We met up with some fellow teachers who were also there, and Matt and I even checked out the nightlife (slightly unsuccessful, but oh well). We also hiked up to the Cerro de la Cruz (hill of the cross) that overlooks the city. Our hotel (Aurora) was very nice and included a decent continental breakfast.

We were supposed to go camping on Pacaya volcano, but our guide was sick or something and we didn't get to go. :( We hung around Antigua for an extra day, then hopped in a van to Panajachel to see Lago Atitlán. It was one of the prettiest places I've ever been. Will definitely have to go back. We had dinner at sunset and took lots of pictures. The next morning we went to the market in Chichicastenango (the largest market in Central America) and haggled and bought lots of stuff. I got a cool painted skull, a clay jaguar (my Mayan birth glyph is the jaguar, i'x), and a super amazing painted leather Mayan calendar that I am absolutely in love with.

After a reroute back to Antigua and a really really long day of being on a minibus, we finally made it back to Guate around 9:30 pm. Went right to bed and got up to catch the bus back to San Salvador at 6 am. Phew!

The first week back at school went well, and my kids are being really good. I hope it keeps up! I started using classdojo.com, and the kids are really responding to it. Hopefully they won't get bored.

One of my kiddos is moving back to the US (boo), so I'm down to 20.

I'm so happy to be back!

Lago Atitlán

Sunset din din on Atitlán

Chichi market

2nd Quarter Updates

It's already almost time to go home for the holidays! Where's the time gone?

One of my friends and I decided that we wanted phone plans (I've really been missing my data plan), so a couple weekends ago we headed to the mall to get contracts with Tigo. What a process! We needed all sorts of things: residency booklets, social security pay stubs, a water or light bill... We didn't have the bill since the school takes care of all of that for us, so the salesman ended up borrowing a bill from a friend. By the time all was said and done, we had been back and forth to the mall 3 times and spent most of the day waiting. However, I now have a data plan and an 18-month contract ($30/month). Most people here have BlackBerrys, which is what my friend got.

We headed to Costa del Sol for the Thanksgiving holiday and had a really good time. It's nicer and more spacious than Tunco. We had a huge house with a pool and kitchen, and even had the housekeeper cook our meals one day.

I've been doing some soul-searching as far as my classroom management goes. The system I have now (PAT, moving clothes pins up and down, counting wasted time, giving warnings) worked at my school in The States, but it's failing miserably with the kids here. My next-door neighbor and fellow third grade teacher turned me on to ClassDojo.com, and I asked my kids what they thought about changing to a more online behavior-management system. Some of them had even used the website before! Since most of the kids at Escuela Americana have access to a computer at home, it seems like a logical choice for them. I think I'll try it in January and see how it goes.

I am very much looking forward to being in Texas in 17 days! Sharp cheddar and customer service, here I come!

Costa del Sol

I never get tired of the sunsets!

Time Flies

I can't believe it's already the middle of October! This week, I'll complete week ten with my kiddos. I have parent/teacher conferences tomorrow, and we have an in-service on Friday, so I only have them for three days this week.

Many challenges have arisen, but I'm finding ways to solve them. This morning, we had a class meeting about how to use kind words if someone is bothering you. I busted out "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," and I think some of them actually understood what I was getting at.

It's really fun to watch them learn. I've almost corrected away their double negative use. They edited and "published" actual paragraphs, formatted on the computer and everything (it was such a test of patience to get 21 eight- and nine-year-olds to format a paper in Word). They can subtract across zero. They know the difference between incomplete and complete metamorphosis. They understand that a rural area does not mean a poor area.

I'm really trying to encourage more creativity, and I luckily have the freedom to (for the most part) do what I want with unlimited-ish resources. After lunch, we color mandalas to settle down. They created small Blot Books to jot down and illustrate ideas. I need to get some songs going because I have a few who are so auditory. One in particular absolutely MUST be making some kind of noise at all times.

I also decided to take on the extra challenge of starting a master's degree. The school flies in professors from Framingham in Massachusetts, and we also get a scholarship for the program. I'm really glad I started it, as I've already completed one of the nine required courses (Curriculum Theory and Practice). Each course goes for two weeks, 3:30-6:30 during the week and 8:00-4:00 on Saturdays. It's a lot, but it's doable. In the fall of 2014, I'll complete a master's of International Teaching. Sweet.

El Salvador is still wonderful. I like my friends, I like my job. I don't have to do laundry or clean.There are bugs everywhere, including a new colony of ants in our kitchen, but oh well. Rainy season is almost over, and it's going to be endless, perfect weather.

We are going to Costa del Sol for Thanksgiving.

I will try to update more often.

La Palma, El Rosario, Perquín, and El Mozote

Lots of traveling around lately has lead to a little confusion and has brought to light a few cultural differences between United Statsians and Salvadorans. That said, I got to go to a lot of really cool places this week, all of which turned out great.

On Wednesday, we took a long day trip to a lodge in La Palma, a town in northwest ES. We stopped up in the mountains, and the scenery/weather was gorgeous. From the lodge, we drove about 40 minutes and went on a hike to the border with Honduras. We waded across the river to stand in the other country and had a fun time in the water.

After hiking, we went back to the lodge and had gallina india for lunch (chicken and soup, basically). After we were all done eating and were ready to go, we had to wait around for like 30 minutes for our driver to finish whatever he was doing...wouldn't really fly in the U S of A, but down here, you just kind of have to roll with things. We finally got going and stopped in el centro de La Palma to buy some goodies before heading home. Lots of time in the car that day.

On Thursday, the new elementary teachers + one of our lovely welcoming committee gals set out on a trip to Perquín, a town in the northeast of ES. We rented our car for $25/day from someone that a lot of people in the complejo use. Driving in ES is a talent. Carolyn did an awesome job avoiding pot holes, cows, dogs, horses, pedestrians, and semi trucks, all without wrecking the car on one of the crazy curving roads.

On the way, we stopped in El Rosario to find the aguas termales (hot springs). After a lot of asking for directions and circumventing a construction zone on foot, we hiked about an hour out of the town down to a river, only to discover that the nearby hot springs were actually just a tiny trickle of water funneled into a concrete pool about four feet by three feet. We were entertained and took pictures.

On the way back up the mountain, we got caught in an afternoon rainstorm and got completely soaked. I was lucky to be with super laid-back, flexible ladies that weren't bothered one bit. We hiked back to our car in the downpour, much to the amusement of the locals who smiled and laughed at us as we walked by.

We got to our hotel, the Perkin Lenca, and got keys to our bungalow. It was super nice and pretty spacious, with free bottled water and a hammock on the porch. We cleaned up and headed to dinner in the main building - it was delicious and inexpensive.

Our hot breakfast was included the next morning; we ate and booked a guide to come pick us up for what we thought would be a few hours of hiking on the Llano del Muerto and Bailadero del Diablo. Our guide arrived, and there was quite a bit of confusion as to how long we were going to be hiking and where we wanted to go, etc. There was a particular waterfall we were interested in seeing, and Carolyn and I did our best to convey in Spanish the fact that we wanted to do a long hike to get there. We thought we had it all figured out, but our guide Rafael apparently had other ideas about how long we'd be hiking and drove us about 30 minutes from the hotel to the entry point for a 3 minute hike to the waterfall. Hmm.

After discussing with Rafael the fact that we were very confused about our agreed price of $50 for a 3 minute hike, we decided to use him as transport to the Cerro de Perquín, a hill/mountain that the guerrillas utilized during the war and the place where the war museum was located. We drove about 30 minutes from our waterfall to the hill and hiked up about 30 minutes while Rafael told us all about the guerrillas and how they used the hill. He turned out to be a former guerrilla fighter, and he showed us all sorts of things like plants they ate for survival and places where bombs had impacted the side of the mountain. It turned out to be a great tour with a lot of good information.

We hiked back down and went to the museum, which houses a lot of pictures, news articles, weapons, and propaganda posters. There are a lot of former guerrilla fighters there who are very eager to share their stories.

This morning, we checked out and headed to El Mozote, a site slightly south of Perquín where a terrible massacre occurred during the war. The government was utilizing the strategy called quitar el agua al pez or taking the water from the fish. During the war, the guerrilla fighters were like the fish, and the pueblos and civilians were the water that supported them. The government massacred the entire population of El Mozote, nearly 800 men, women, and children. We heard the story from a woman near the monument as well as from a young man named Eduardo. While not everyone in our group could understand every word he was saying, Carolyn and I did our best to translate, and it was obvious to everyone what a terrible tragedy it was.

Eduardo told us about another monument about a mile away that was under construction and offered to walk us there. We followed and were very pleasantly surprised at a large structure featuring Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, and MLK Jr. It was beautiful and quiet, and we felt surprised and privileged to have seen it before its completion, as it was obviously not listed in any of our guide books. After taking some pictures, we headed back to town, bought some artesanías from the ladies near the church (the freakin ginger candy is amazing), and hopped in the car for our drive back to San Salvador.

All in all, it was a great trip. While confusing at times, we were happy with the outcome and learned quite a bit about El Salvador. If you are on a strict schedule or need everyone to always be on time and accurate when estimating the time things are going to take, you may not be the happiest camper traveling around this country. The key is to relax, take it all in, and not be too perturbed when things don't go exactly the way you were imagining. The people are incredibly kind and helpful, and will always be around to point you in the right direction if you're lost. The animosity toward people from the US that I've felt in other parts of the world doesn't seem to be as much of a thing here. For someone who has been to a lot of places, the gente amable of El Salvador is a welcome change.

Posing by our anticlimactic hot springs

Lots of things!

Lots has happened since my last post. We met our maids last Friday and organized which days they were going to come. One of the perks of being here is having inexpensive help around the house, and our complejo residents pay much more than the ladies would be making elsewhere. Megan and I have Antonia on Tuesdays and Fridays, and we pay only $24 a week. She does laundry, cleans, and will even make food if we want. Next week I'm going to have her make that tamarindo drink I like so much. I'm so glad I'm able to speak with her and the vigilantes, etc. around here; it's come in really handy and saves us a lot of time.

The new elementary teachers and I are planning a trip to Perquín for the Agostinas coming up. I called the place we wanted to stay, and of course they had no one available who spoke English. I'm happy to report that I booked the whole thing, complications and all, in Spanish. I think this is a first for me. The weird thing down here is that you can't hold the room with a credit card; you have to go to their bank and make a deposit into an account. So, I took my first trip to Citibank the other day, which happens to also be our bank. It reminded me a lot of the DMV. I took a number and waited to be called, only to find out that the lady couldn't transfer money from my account to the other account. I had to go outside and around a corner to the ATM, take money out, and come back to deposit it inside the bank. What a pain! I definitely missed the conveniences of home that day.

We also took a trip to Ataco, stopping at a few places along the way. We ate at an amazing garden/restaurant for lunch, bought some stuff at artisan markets, and stopped by a gastronomical festival.

I don't remember which day, but we also took a trip to downtown San Salvador. It was quick, but interesting. Definitely a very different world from our school bubble over here in San Benito.

Today we went to La Libertad to the beach club that the school has a membership to. It was a nice, relaxing day. Megan and I plan to come back to the States super tan for winter break.

After we got back today, a few of us were feeling under the weather, so we took a field trip to the farmacia across the street from the complejo. I described everyone's symptoms and we walked away with medicine that would for sure need a prescription in the US. One of the things I really like about being abroad is the ability to walk into the pharmacy and get things like antibiotics with no problem. I remember in Spain I had a blister that got infected, and I just went to the pharmacy to get prescription-strength antibiotic ointment. It's incredible and such a time/money saver.

Tomorrow we're going to La Palma. I have no idea what we're doing, and no one else seems to know either. It will be a surprise!

Cell Phone Stuff

Did some research into cell phones in El Salvador and decided that I'm too addicted to my smartphone to live without one (so pathetic, you have permission to roll your eyes at me). As Verizon phones don't have SIM cards to be switched in other countries and smartphones in ES are pretty expensive, I bought an old, unlocked iPhone 3G yesterday in hopes that I'll be able to purchase a SIM card and plan when I get to San Salvador. We'll see if it works! Otherwise I'll just have bought a really expensive iPod touch.

Verizon lets you suspend phone service for $15/month, as long as it's active for six months out of the year. Guess I'll suspend it Aug-Nov this year so I can have a US cell when I come back for the winter holidays. 

T-minus 22 days until departure!

UNI Fair - Reference Post

Alright, it's been over a week, so I suppose I should post about the fair. I'll try to keep it relatively short, but I have so many experiences and so much advice to share!

Thursday: Everyone arrived in Waterloo; no one got any sleep because we were all so nervous. There was a gal in my hotel whose reservation was lost, so we ended up rooming together (really good idea).

Friday: We woke up at stupid o'clock, tried our best to look professional, and headed over to the convention center in the shuttle (it was freezing).

We arrived at the convention center a little before 7:00 and were directed towards our "mailboxes" (hanging folders with our names on them). Everyone began to go through the materials and interview invitations. I had a few from schools I had contacted previously and a few new ones, so I spent my time deciding which to accept/decline and making a plan for the round robin, circling table numbers on the floor plan and such. I also had my laptop, and I tried to research some of the schools I was interested in, but everyone was doing the same thing so the internet wasn't really working.

At 8:00, we had an orientation from some of the UNI staff, some school directors, and a married teaching team. It was mostly advice, encouragement, etc. We then had a meal break (brunch?), and everyone scarfed some food while furiously researching schools and finalizing plans of action for the round robin interview sign up.

At 11:30, everyone had crowded around the doors to the main room in preparation for the round robin. I had the urge to yell "NO PUSHING!" It was madness. The doors opened, and we flooded in to sign up for interviews.

We had a couple hours, but I really felt like I was pressed for time. My number of interview invitations was on the higher end (12 I think?), so I was trying to confirm the most important ones first and still leave time to decline ones I didn't want so other people could have the spots and then try to get interviews with schools who hadn't invited me. To be honest, it was very difficult. It was crowded; we had to wait in line a few times, and the interview slots fill up fast, so you really have to prioritize. I didn't get any interviews with schools who hadn't invited me to begin with, either because they were full or because I didn't have enough teaching experience.

I ended up with 10 scheduled interviews. A lot of people had less, but I tried to keep my mind open and accepted most of my invitations (I turned down a school from Egypt and one from Saudi Arabia). After the round robin, interviews began immediately.

I was SO nervous, but the interview slots are only 30 minutes; there's really not a lot of time to screw up. During my first interview, I was asked 3 or 4 questions about teaching, and then I was allowed to ask questions about the school. We parted amicably, and I walked away questioning why I had been so worried.

I had four interviews on Friday, all of which went fairly well. One director invited me for a second interview on Saturday. I got the feeling that the schools had a good idea about who they wanted to hire already from looking at our credential files.

Friday evening, there was a social for the directors and the teachers, but I missed most of it because I was in an interview. Supposedly this is a good time to chat up the interviewers, but I had enough already that I didn't bother. There was a cash bar and food, but my roommate and I were so tired that we just grabbed some water and chatted in a corner. We rode the shuttle back to the hotel and researched the schools we had interviews with on Saturday before going to sleep.

Saturday: Back to the convention center, interviews all day. I received a rejection from one of my Friday interviews that morning. About noon, I had already received two offers: Pre-school in Shanghai and 1st grade in Puerto Rico. This is where it got kind of hairy. Shanghai offered it to me in the actual interview, and I had to let them know that I was still interviewing with several schools I was interested in; I asked when they needed a decision by. The answer was basically ASAP. Puerto Rico offered after the interview, but I had to call back and ask the same question. Their response was that it was between me and another woman, and the job was going to whomever accepted first. Lame. I had kind of a weird feeling from the Puerto Rico interview, and wasn't sure I would be happy at the school. The director's whole selling point was that I wouldn't really be "leaving the U.S." I thought to myself, "well, that's not really why I'm here."

I had a panic-y moment and called Dad at this point for advice. Decided to go to a presentation by one of my top choice Friday interviews (Honduras) and ask if they had made a decision yet. They hadn't, and I still had the second interview with a school from El Salvador to go to, plus two more first interviews. I was 90% sure El Salvador would make an offer, so I decided at that point to accept it if that happened. I felt very happy with the school from the info I learned in the previous interview, and I was excited that I would be in a Spanish-speaking country.

The director did end up offering, and I signed the contract on the spot for a 3rd grade position in San Salvador! It was all very exhilarating and nerve-wracking. After signing, she gave me a poster and a little mantelito (place mat) from El Salvador! How lovely.

After that, I called Mom and Dad as well as my other offers, including a new one from Kuwait, to let them know that I had accepted something else. I also had to cancel my last two interviews. It was pretty stressful, but then I could relax! My roommate got an offer shortly after that, and we found a Mexican restaurant nearby to celebrate at.

Most people left on Sunday, but I thought I might have some interviews on Sunday and had bought my ticket for Monday. Oops. I hung out at the hotel and watched the Super Bowl with vending machine food.

SO. Words of advice:

1. Get a roommate! You can participate in the forum before the actual fair and find out if anyone would like to share a room or a ride with you if you're driving. Several people did this, from what I could tell. Having a roommate gave me someone to touch base with throughout the day, sit with on the shuttle, and get meals with. It was nice to have someone to talk to so I didn't have to stand alone awkwardly at any point during the weekend.

2. DON'T BE NERVOUS. The interviews are easy. They are not going to throw you a question out of left field. It helps to know a little about the school sometimes, but not always. Relax.

3. Prioritize. If you don't have a lot of interview invitations, prioritize which schools you want to focus on speaking with during the round robin. If you do have a lot of invitations, stop by the ones you're interested in the most first to sign up for a time. The slots fill up fast, and I didn't get interviews with a couple schools who invited me because I didn't make it to the tables in time. It helped me to make a list and then cross them off.

4. Bring food. I was terribly hungry throughout the day, and the cafe in the convention center was good, but I didn't always have time to buy and eat a whole meal. Granola bars were a life-saver, especially because I had back-to-back interviews at times.

5. Don't lug your portfolio or a laptop. Before the fair, you should have contacted and researched schools, so researching them in the convention center is not really necessary. Do that at home or in your hotel room beforehand. Also, none of the interviewers looked at my portfolio at all. I think it's a good idea to bring it, but leave it in the hotel and offer to bring it the next day if someone wants to look at it (rare). All you really need is your cell and a binder to organize school fact sheets and brochures and to take interview notes. Don't forget money for food.

6. Don't be afraid to tell an interviewer that you're not ready to make a decision yet. Most will give you a few hours to finish up interviews. While you do need to make decisions quickly, don't let them guilt you into accepting something you're not happy with. This is a big decision.

7. Bring thank you notes and leave them in interviewers' mailboxes as soon after the interview as possible, especially if you have a good feeling and want to continue speaking with them about employment. Leave details like a cell number and when you're available for second interviews.

8. Ask questions in the interviews. Important things to find out: What exactly is the housing situation like (make sure it's not a dorm)? What is living in this city like (especially important for women) and how does the school help its employees to stay safe? How does your HR department help new hires settle in? Is there a mentor or buddy teacher program? Are language classes available? What professional development opportunities are there?

9. And most importantly, have an open mind! You may get interview invitations to places you hadn't even thought of. Accept them! I planned for South America the whole time, and ended up with only ONE interview on the whole continent. That particular school was the most sought after in the whole fair. If I had limited myself, I wouldn't have ended up in the great school that I did. Decide beforehand what your "deal breakers" are, and then go from there. Accept any and all offers that seem even vaguely possible for you.

I hope this post is helpful for someone! I had such a stressful but awesome time participating in the UNI Fair, and everyone was so friendly and helpful. I've heard that other fairs are more cutthroat, but of course I can't judge any but this one. What a super experience; I can't WAIT to begin the visa process and get everything ready for my new job!

Grammar Lessons from the Future English Teacher: Installment 4

Today's lesson will be a quick one: direct address. If you are directly addressing someone/something, this means that you are talking to him/her/them/it. If you are writing or typing your direct address, you need to use at least one comma.

Example:

Did you hear me, Watson?

Easy. Now, if your address is in the middle of a sentence, there needs to be a comma before AND after the name.

Example:

What I said, Watson, was to stop eating all of my cheese.

Also easy. If your address is at the beginning of the sentence, the comma goes after.

Example:

Watson, please buy me some more cheese.

EASY. Please use commas.

UNI Fair Update

Finished my credential file for the UNI Overseas Job Fair and sent my resume and cover letters to 33 schools in total, all around the world. An additional five schools contacted me separately (only one of which I turned down), so I've got some interview invitations set up already:

Barranquilla, Colombia
Manizales, Colombia
Shanghai, China
Jakarta, Indonesia
Taichung, Taiwan
Hawalli, Kuwait

I just finished sending out letters today, so I'll hopefully get a few more responses before the fair and some other interviews scheduled once I get there.

On an information type note, I've had a couple schools turn me down because of my lack of full-time experience (a lot of schools want candidates to have at least 2 years), but there are definitely options for new teachers like me.

I'm really excited about all of these prospects! I might be going to the Middle East, but I'm definitely going somewhere.

Cer ti fied.

So this past weekend, I drove home from ACL at 3:30 in the morning to complete my final weekend of training and receive a certificate of completion from the Oxford Seminars TESOL/TESL/TEFL program. "What does this mean?" you ask.

I ask myself the same question.

But you know, there was a reason (or multiple reasons) why I chose this particular certification.

I thought about just doing it online for half the price, but then I'd be...doing it online. And how credible is that, really? I also considered another Houston course, which was less expensive but was more hours of credit. Hm. Then I looked at where it was being held, and it ended up that it was in a hotel somewhere. That just seems slightly sketchy to me. The only one remaining was the Oxford course - only 60 hours, but it was also held at a reputable university and offered free job placement assistance upon completion.

Just in case anyone looking to get into the TESOL business runs across this, I'll tell you how the class ended up being. First of all, my classmates (9 others) were all very smart and genuinely nice. Our teacher was also very intelligent and had a lot of experience teaching abroad. I felt comfortable in the setting and with all the people.

The class ended up being, as the Oxford Seminars title suggests, more of a seminar than an actual instruction course. We spent our time discussing how to behave abroad, what to expect as far a job offers, the kinds of things to stay away from, etc. We talked briefly about learning styles and how to teach (book info), but it was mostly common sense or, as my teacher put it, "something we were going to learn anyway." Many times, our conversations devolved into rather morbid topics about the state of the world, but I usually felt we were discussing things worth discussing. We had to give two practice lessons, one alone (10 minutes) and one with a partner (30 minutes), and we were evaluated by the teacher and our peers. We also got a crash course on English grammar.

Basically, I learned that we'll probably have to teach from a book, which will outline the lessons for us. I also learned that unless you're a complete dumbass or are not ready to move your life to another country, you'll probably be okay and learn everything you need to know as you go.

In the end, I'm really glad I chose to go through Oxford Seminars. It might not be as many hours as some courses, but it was actually pretty fun and did a lot to prepare me mentally. I had a great teacher who told it like it is and gave us a ton of helpful information and resources. I had great classmates who were kind and supportive of everyone. I really do feel like I'm ready to begin looking for my future job. I sent an email to the teacher placement service to tell them I'm ready to start; my top three countries of choice are: Argentina, Peru, and Mexico.

Wish me luck! :)

Grammar Lessons from the Future English Teacher: Installment 3

Today's lesson will be: The Correct Use of "I" and "Me."


Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT ALWAYS USE "I." THIS IS VITAL, PEOPLE. PAY ATTENTION.



This sentence is correct: Lexie and I are going to the moon.

The reason this sentence is correct is because Lexie and I are the subjects. However, if we were the objects, YOU CAN'T USE "I."

This sentence is incorrect: The goat kicked Lexie and I.

NO NO NO NO NO. It's easier to see if we remove Lexie: The goat kicked I. Would you ever say that? No. No you wouldn't. You would say, "the goat kicked me." So don't say I if you're the object of the sentence. If you do, I will kill you. I will. Don't think that I won't. I'll come after you.

This sentence is correct: The goat kicked Lexie and me.

A special reminder for my Facebook friends aka the largest known source of incorrect grammar: If you are captioning a picture, DO NOT say "this is so-and-so and I." That is WRONG. Say instead "this is so-and-so and ME." Ok? Ok.

***So remember, if you are ever in doubt, just remove the other person and figure out what you would say if you were only talking about yourself. It's not difficult. I know you can do it. I have faith in all of you.***

Grammar Lessons from the Future English Teacher: Installment 2

First thing.

To everyone who shows up on my Facebook newsfeed: STOP USING "YOUR" WHEN YOU SHOULD BE USING "YOU'RE," AND STOP USING APOSTROPHES FOR PLURALS. YOU ARE IN COLLEGE, PEOPLE. MOST OF YOU HAVE GRADUATED. JESUS CHRIST.

Now, that's out of the way. If you missed the first lesson, never fear. Here it is: Clicky click.

Due to popular demand, I'm going to make a whole post about homophones. For those of you who missed this day in FIRST GRADE, homophones are words that sound alike but are spelled differently. I know, really confusing.

Here is a very helpful website, if you're having trouble with confusing words (not all are homophones - Thanks, Sharon):

http://homepage.smc.edu/reading_lab/words_commonly_confused.htm

There are a ton, but I'm going to focus on some that I feel are the most common. Let's revisit the most annoying ones (to me) first, because somehow people are still making mistakes after my first post. I mean obviously everyone read it, so I don't know what's going on.

your vs. you're

Once again, "your" signifies possession. Example: That is YOUR bad.

"You're" means "you are." The apostrophe is REPLACING THE 'A.' Example: YOU'RE a d-bag.

I don't know how to make that one much clearer.

Another that I've already addressed but needs to be mentioned...


it's vs. its

It's = IT IS. Use "its" when talking about something inanimate possessing something else.

Example: IT'S really sad that the food has lost ITS flavor.

I know this one is really super hard because "its" is possessive and omg there is no apostrophe, but GET OVER IT AND REMEMBER IT.

Now, the one that everyone couldn't believe wasn't in the first post...


they're, their, there

Oh shit, now there are three choices. What do we do? We take a breath and think about it for a millisecond before we write it.

"They're" means "they are."

"Their" means relating to them (adj).

"There" means "in that matter, respect, or relation" (adv).

Example: THEY'RE getting more food for THEIR platypus over THERE in the pond.

accept vs. except

"Accept" is a verb that means "to receive willingly."

"Except" is a preposition that means "but" or "with the exception of."

Example: I ACCEPT all of your flaws, EXCEPT the fact that you have poor grammar.

than vs. then

Technically not homophones, but they might as well be with the way we speak in the US. No one knows how to use them correctly anyway.

"Than" is used to indicate difference (conj).

"Then" means next or consequently (adv).

Example: I use correct grammar more often THAN you do; I am going to make a post about it, and THEN I expect you to try harder.

whose vs. who's

Whose means "of or relating to whom or which esp. as possessor or possessors" (adj).

Who's is a contraction of who and is.

Example: WHOSE clothes are these? They belong to that guy WHO'S skinny dipping. Let's hide them.

Okay so these are the ones that everyone usually screws up. Let me know if you think of any more good ones, and I'll add them.

Please please please visit this website, and make sure you understand all of the words on it.

Grammar Lessons from the Future English Teacher: Installment 1

Okay. I know that most of you who read my blog don't need this little reminder. However, on the off-chance that someone is perusing the internet and happens to find themselves here, I need to get some things off my chest. I find it astounding how many people, especially people who have graduated from college, have no concept of a few basic grammar rules. If you are a native English speaker, you have no excuse for not speaking and writing correctly. Please pay attention.

My personal pet peeve: misused apostrophes

Apostrophes are used to signify possession (and missing letters in contractions). For example, "This is Vanessa's pet peeve." "Rock 'n' roll, dude!" (Both the 'a' and the 'd' are missing, so put a freakin' apostrophe where they should be).

Apostrophes are NOT used when a word is plural. For example, you would NOT USE AN APOSTROPHE in this sentence: "Jeez, Vanessa has a lot of pet peeve's." Wrong. That is so wrong that it makes my retinas burn. The correct sentence is "Jeez, Vanessa has a lot of pet peeves."

In a subcategory of this one, if you are signifying a plural possessive with a plural word that ends in an 's,' you place an apostrophe after the 's' but DO NOT FOLLOW IT WITH ANOTHER 'S.' For example:

"Whose eggplants are those?"
"Those are the girls' eggplants."

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY: "Those are the girls's eggplants."

The ONLY time you would have a word that ends in 's' followed by an apostrophe and another 's' is if the word is NOT plural. Example: "No, that is James's eggplant."

It's v. its: "It's" literally means "it is." If you don't mean to say "it is," DO NOT USE "it's." Examples: "It's really annoying that people don't understand this." When talking about an inanimate object owning something, use "its." Example: "That painting has lost its color."

When talking about a family and pluralizing their last name, DO NOT USE AN APOSTROPHE. For example: "The Coopers are coming to get you." WRONG VERSION: "The Cooper's are coming to get you."

On this note, if a last name ends with an 's' or a 'z', you pluralize it with 'es.' Example: "the Joneses" or "the Sanchezes."

So let's not get apostrophe happy, okay? Okay.

The most common: your v. you're

"Your" signifies that you OWN SOMETHING. For example: "Your grammar skills are terrible."

The contraction "you're" literally means "you are." So. If you mean to say "you are," you had better use this or I will come rip out your uvula. Got it? Example: "You're in need of a grammar lesson." This goes along with the whole apostrophes replace absent letters thing. The 'a' in 'you are' is missing, and therefore it is replaced with an apostrophe.

Are you still with me?

Moving on.

A lot

"A lot" is two words. Period. "Alot" is not a word, so don't ever write it. Ever.

To v. too

"To" is a preposition. Example: "We are going to the park."

"Too" is an adverb. Please use it as such. "That chinchilla is too expensive." "Too" is also used to say "in addition." Example: "We need to buy a sugar glider, too."

Well v. Good

If someone asks you how you are, the correct response is "I'm well, thanks." NOT "I'm good, thanks."

You do things well. Things go well.

That song is good; you sang it well. This meal is good; it is well-made.





I could get into a whole list of other things that people write incorrectly, but we'd be here all day. So. Please bookmark this entry. Come back to it. Reread it. And for the love of GOD, if you don't know how to spell something, please look it up. Google is at your disposal.

I'm sure I will have another installment of grammar lessons. I'm thinking comma usage needs to be next. Stay tuned.